Experts on relationship violence and young people from the Bay Area and across the country are reacting to the violent behavior portrayed in the new “Love the Way You Lie,” music video by Eminem, featuring Rihanna. Starring actors Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox, the video depicts an abusive relationship and violent acts.
Tatiana Colón is the director of Education and Youth Services at the Family Violence Law Center in Oakland, which is also the local office for Start Strong (a national youth violence prevention initiative). Colón is concerned about the video and its potential contribution to relationship violence and teen dating violence.“I am concerned that it sensationalizes dating and domestic violence - that it is OK to be in an abusive relationship,” she says. Youth who Colón speaks to about the video feel it tries to say that it’s sexy to be abused. Unlike other experts, Colón sees the video offering no benefit to awareness or understanding of relationship violence. “Rihanna sings that ‘that’s alright you make me cry’ and ‘I like the way it hurts’ – not only it is OK but almost that she likes it,” she says. “I was surprised to hear that, instead of saying that this is not OK.”
According to a 2008 study conducted by the Alameda County Teen Dating Violence Task Force, 44% of the Oakland youth surveyed reported being intimidated, physically hurt, and/or emotionally abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend. In 2007, there were 1,501 domestic violence related police reports filed in Oakland involving a youth between the ages of 12-24. This means that one third of the total dating and domestic violence calls in Oakland involved the city’s youth.
Yessika Lupians is a youth leader at Start Strong Oakland. Asked what she thinks about the impact of the song and video on young people, she says, “It’s wrong and it’s showing youth that abuse is OK. The song takes away the meaning of a true apology because he (Eminem) apologizes just to say he’s going to hurt her again. It’s an example of the cycle of violence”.
“Although Eminem and Rihanna’s ‘Love the Way You Lie’ music video is raising awareness about dating and domestic violence, it fails to convey the most important message -- that this type of relationship violence is unhealthy, dangerous, and potentially fatal,” says Trina Greene, program manager for Peace Over Violence (www.peaceoverviolence.org). “Instead of educating our youth on the destructive cycle of violence, the video glamorizes it as sexy, acceptable, and even normal.”
Students from the Peace Over Violence office of Start Strong are creating their own music video in response to the portrayal of violence in the Eminem video. Their goal is to show young people that this type of relationship is unhealthy and that there are safe ways to leave an abusive relationship.
Tatiana Colón encourages young people to balance their entertainment diet, referencing songs like ‘I got your back’ by T.I. and Keri Hilson. “That song is about respecting boundaries – there is a lot of benefit there,” she says. “It’s up to us to be smart enough to decide – to take in as much of the positive we can and to realize that the media and messages out there are not necessarily there to help us. We should be smart about what we’re watching and listening to and understand the difference between reality and what is portrayed in the media.”
Nationally, forty percent of girls age 14-17 report knowing someone their age that has been beaten or physically hurt by a boyfriend, as cited by Family Violence Prevention Fund from Children Now/Kaiser Permanente Poll. In addition to the physical threat and harm, research indicates that teen victims of relationship violence exhibit increased rates of eating disorders; high-risk sexual behaviors; and increased teen pregnancy and suicide rates.
If you are involved in an abusive relationship, please call Peace Over Violence's 24 hour hotline at 213-626-3393. RAINN, a national anti-sexual assault organization, also offers a national hotline: 800-656-HOPE. For information on Start Strong Oakland, visit www.startstrongteens.org/communities/oakland.